Dating When You Smoke Weed and They Don't

Dating when you smoke weed and they don't is more common than you might think, and it can work beautifully. Plenty of happy couples are made up of one person who enjoys cannabis and one who does not. Just like couples where one drinks and one does not, or one is a morning person and one is a night owl, it comes down to honesty, respect and a few fair agreements. This guide is for adults 21 and over, where cannabis is legal.

First, get clear on where you each stand

"They don't smoke" can mean a lot of different things. Before you assume anything, have a real conversation. Some partners:

Do not use, but genuinely do not mind if you do.
Are fine with it, but do not like the smell.
Are okay with edibles or CBD but not smoking around them.
Cannot be around it because of work rules, health, recovery or family reasons.
Have strong personal or faith-based feelings about it.

Each of those calls for a different approach. The only way to know which one you are dealing with is to ask, kindly and without trying to change their mind.

How to talk about it without a fight

Pick a calm moment, not right after a disagreement and not while anyone is high. Then:

Share honestly. How often you use, why you enjoy it, and what it means to you. "It helps me unwind after work" is honest and simple.
Ask about their feelings. "How do you honestly feel about it? I'd rather know."
Listen for the reason behind the reason. A partner who grew up around addiction is not judging you; they may be protecting themselves.
Look for overlap. What can you both live with happily?
Check in again later. Feelings change as trust grows. Make it an ongoing conversation.

Set boundaries that feel fair to both of you

Good agreements make life easier for everyone. Some couples settle on things like:

Where: Outside only, or never inside a shared home or car.
When: Not on date nights, not before family events, not when one of you needs to drive.
How: Edibles or vapes instead of smoke, if smell is the issue.
How much: An honest talk about frequency if it is a concern.
Around others: Discretion around their friends, family or coworkers if that matters to them.

Nothing has to be set in stone. Try an agreement for a few weeks and talk about how it is going.

Respect goes both ways

If you are the one who smokes:

Never pressure your partner to try it, even playfully.
Be fully present on your time together. Show up clear-headed when it matters to them.
Never drive high, and never ask them to ride with someone who is.
Keep your stash safely stored, especially around kids and pets.

If you are the one who does not:

Try not to lecture or tease. Share how you feel instead.
Be honest if something is really bothering you, instead of letting it build.
Remember they are the same person you fell for.

When it might be a dealbreaker

Sometimes the gap really is too big. If one of you cannot be around cannabis at all, and the other does not want to change their habits, it is kinder to be honest early than to resent each other later. That is not a failure. It is two people being clear about what they need.

If you notice cannabis is getting in the way of work, money or relationships, or a partner is worried about how much you are using, take it seriously and consider talking to a professional. This article is not medical advice.

Dating when you smoke weed and they don't: keep love first

Cannabis is one part of your life. It is not the whole relationship. Plan plenty of dates where it never comes up at all: a hike, a cooking night, a comedy show, a long breakfast. Those shared memories carry a couple through the moments when you see things differently. The couples who make it work spend most of their energy on the good stuff: making each other laugh, showing up, giving sincere compliments and being kind on hard days. Dawn teaches the compliment method at the start of every speed dating night; you can read about it on our learn how to date page.

Meet people who already get it

Want to skip the guessing from the start? 420 SpeedDating is our cannabis-friendly speed dating in Las Vegas for adults 21 and over. It was created to connect two kinds of singles: people who use cannabis and are tired of being judged, and non-users who honestly could not care less. Smoking is never required, and nobody is ever handed anything at our events. Read more about 420 dating in Las Vegas. New dates are coming soon, so register free to hear first, and meet cannabis-friendly singles online between nights at My420Love.

Your turn

If you are dating someone who sees cannabis differently than you, what is one boundary or kindness you could talk about together this week?

Keep the love going

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This article first appeared on 420 Speed Dating, part of The Love Effect family of sites.