How to Flirt and Tell If Someone Is Interested

Knowing how to tell if someone is interested can be one of the most confusing parts of dating, and queer dating adds its own twist. Is this person flirting, or just friendly? Are they into people like me? Are they even single? Plenty of LGBTQ+ folks have spent a whole evening wondering, only to find out later that the other person was wondering too. Let's take some of the guesswork out of it.

Why flirting can feel extra confusing in queer spaces

In a lot of straight dating, people assume the script. In LGBTQ+ dating, nobody can assume anything, which is honestly a good thing, but it means signals can be harder to read. Someone might be warm with everyone. Someone might be shy because they have been burned before. Someone might not be out in every part of their life.

So treat signals as clues, not proof. The only way to know for sure is to ask, and we will get to that. Until then, a little patience and a lot of kindness will serve you well.

How to tell if someone is interested: common signs

No single sign means much on its own. Look for a few together, and look for them repeated:

They make time for you. They come over to talk, stay in the conversation, or find you again later.
Eye contact that lingers. Holding your gaze a beat longer, or catching your eye across the room more than once.
They ask questions back. Curiosity is a strong signal. People ask about what interests them.
Their body turns toward you. Shoulders, feet and attention pointed your way.
They remember details. "Wait, how did your sister's wedding go?"
Light touch, like a tap on the arm when laughing, if that is their style.
They laugh easily at your jokes, even the medium ones.
They mention plans. "You'd love this place I go to on Thursdays."

Signs they are not interested, or not right now

Reading a "no" is just as important as reading a "yes." Ease off if you notice:

Short answers and no questions back.
Looking around the room or at their phone a lot.
Turning their body away or stepping back.
Mentioning a partner, or steering toward "friend" topics only.
Leaving the conversation whenever there is a natural break.

When you see those, wrap up kindly: "Great talking to you. Enjoy your night." That is classy, and it keeps the door open for friendship.

How to flirt in a way that feels natural

Flirting is just playful, warm attention. You do not have to be smooth. You have to be a little brave and a lot kind.

Give a specific compliment. Something they chose: their style, their laugh, how they told that story. "You have the best taste in music in this whole bar." Specific beats generic, and it shows you were paying attention.
Tease gently. Friendly teasing about something light, like their terrible karaoke song choice, is playful. Never tease about bodies, identity or anything personal.
Hold eye contact a little longer, and smile when you do.
Create a little inside joke. Something from your conversation you can call back to later.
Find a reason to see them again. "We should settle this trivia debate over coffee."

The compliment part is the heart of the method Dawn teaches at the start of every night. You can read more on our learn how to date page.

When in doubt, just ask

Here is the shortcut most people forget: you can ask. Clear and kind is always better than months of guessing.

"I have really enjoyed talking with you. Would you like to go on a date sometime?"
"I can't tell if this is a friend vibe or a date vibe, and I'd love it to be a date vibe."
"Can I get your number? I'd like to call you this week."

If they say yes, great. If they say no, you have your answer and you can both relax. A kind "No worries, glad we met" is all you need. At our nights, Dawn calls this the soft rejection: a gentle way to say no and to hear it.

Flirt with respect

Do not assume someone's identity or who they are into.
Respect pronouns and names.
Never out anyone, even by accident. Keep what you learn private.
Take no for an answer the first time.
Ask before touching, and pay attention to how they respond.

Skip the guesswork entirely

Want a room where the "are they even single, and are they into people like me?" question is already answered? Pride Time is our speed dating for LGBTQ+ singles 21 and over in Las Vegas. When you register, you tell us who you would like to meet, so the room is planned with you in mind. Everyone came to meet someone, so flirting is welcome. Read more about Pride Time speed dating. New dates are coming soon, so register free to hear first.

Your turn

The next time you think someone might be flirting with you, will you try a playful compliment and see how they respond?

Keep the love going

This article first appeared on Pride Time Speed Dating, part of The Love Effect family of sites.