Speed Dating Tips: How to Make Every Minute Count

Good speed dating tips are mostly about one thing: making a short conversation feel easy. You only get a few minutes with each person, so you do not have time for small talk about the weather. The good news is that a few minutes is plenty of time to find out whether you want a second conversation. That is all speed dating is really asking.

If it is your first time, here is everything we wish every guest knew before walking in.

Before the night: set yourself up

Dress like the version of you that you like best. Dressed-up casual is right for most nights. Wear something comfortable you do not have to fuss with.
Eat something first. Hungry people are distracted people.
Arrive early. Checking in calmly beats rushing in flustered. Early arrivals also get to chat at the bar before things start.
Bring an open mind. Your type has not always worked out. Let the evening surprise you.

Speed dating tips for the first minute

The first minute sets the tone for the rest. You want the other person to relax, so relax first.

Stand or lean in a little, smile and say your name. Use theirs back right away.
Start with a specific compliment. Not about their body, about a choice they made. "I love that color on you." "You have a great laugh. I could hear it from across the room."
Ask a question they cannot answer with yes or no. More on that below.

That opening is the heart of Dawn's compliment method, which she teaches at the start of every night. You can read the whole method on the learn how to date page.

Better questions than "So, what do you do?"

Everyone asks about work, and everyone answers on autopilot. Try questions that let people tell a story:

"What is the best thing that happened to you this week?"
"What are you looking forward to right now?"
"What do you do for fun when nobody is asking you to do anything?"
"Where is the best place you have ever traveled, and would you go back?"
"What is something you are really good at that most people do not know about?"
"What made you sign up tonight?"

Pick two or three favorites and keep them in your back pocket. You will not get through more than that in one round, and you should not try. One good question with a real follow-up beats five rapid-fire ones.

Listen more than you talk

The person who listens well is the person everyone remembers. A few habits help:

Follow up on what they say. "Wait, you taught yourself to sail? How?"
Keep your phone away for the whole night.
Share something of your own after they answer, so it feels like a conversation and not an interview.
Save the heavy topics, like exes, health and politics, for later dates.

Take quick notes between dates

After a dozen conversations, faces and names blur together. Jot down a word or two after each round: their name, one thing you talked about, and how you felt. "Mark, sailing, made me laugh." That is enough to remember who you want to call.

Be honest with yourself in those notes. Did you feel at ease? Did you want the bell to wait? That feeling matters more than any checklist.

Handle the end of each round with grace

When the time is up, end warmly, even if there was no spark. "It was really nice to meet you" costs nothing and makes the whole room nicer. At our nights the host is on the floor keeping time, so you never have to be the one who ends a conversation.

If someone says no to you later, that is information, not a judgment. Dawn teaches a kind way to say no and a kind way to hear it, called the soft rejection, so nobody leaves embarrassed.

The next day: call, do not text

At our nights you write down the numbers you want on your card yourself, the way people did before the apps. Then, the next day, you call. Not a text. A call.

Ask how they are. Listen to how they say it. Mention the thing you talked about. Then make a real plan: coffee, a walk, a lunch. It takes two minutes and it says, "I meant it."

Not every match turns into romance. Some turn into great friends, and you can never have too many of those.

Try it for real

PrimeTime is our speed dating for singles 45 and up in Las Vegas: 12 to 15 singles in one night, a short lesson first, and a host making it easy. We also run nights for everyone 21 and over. New dates are coming soon, so register free and you will hear the moment one is set. Read more about speed dating over 45, or browse other singles events in Las Vegas.

Your turn

Which one of these speed dating tips will you practice on the next person you meet, even if it is just the barista tomorrow morning?

Keep the love going

This article first appeared on PrimeTime Speed Dating, part of The Love Effect family of sites.